I sit here at work and wonder why things happen? Recently, Jen and I lost a baby that we had conceived right around the time of marriage. It's not an easy thing for either of us. People have different ways of dealing with this kind of trauma. In other words, Jen and I each have our own way of dealing with the emotions.
MY PERSPECTIVE
When I sit on the back step of our house I realized that my view is a changed on from the way I used to think of things. I remember our wedding, I think about how lucky I am to have a job, and I am happy to have the family I have. It's been a hell last two years in a lot of aspects of my life, but do you know what?? The sun is shining. I realize that nature takes its toll on us for different reason. From my perspective, it's because nature is preparing us for something bigger. I realize that my views were a little skewed back in the day, but I see things differently now. Maybe there is a little more growing up to be done first.
Unfortunately, I really had no clue how common miscarriages are. 1 in 5 people experience this kind of issue. It doesn't mean that the mom and dad are at fault, but rather that nature has its way of saying "it's not time". I get it. I feel bummed out about the whole situation, but I know its life. I am ready to go for it again. Sooner or later things will happen.
I am trying my best to help Jen through the grieving period. I feel like there wasn't much of grievance for me. I kind of feel bad about that, but everyone has different ways of approaching things. For example, when my mom died, it really didn't take that long to get over the initial shock. As I live my life there are times that I think about her and get a little sad, but I expect that. It's a way of showing that my mom is still a part of my life. The reason my grievance isn't as strong is the fact that I know it wasn't something that we could control. It's just happened!! That's it!
As we move through these next couple of weeks I feel like it's going to be a long process in helping Jen. I honestly don't know where to start. I have tried to talk to her about things, but it leads to arguments. There is a reason for everything on her part and I feel she doesn't think that I care. While I can hear reasons and arguments about this situation, nothing starts to wear down a person more than having his/her ideas rejected every time and being told that "you don't understand". I hate those words. Do you think that I don't understand anything??
This is my way of getting things off my chest as I really don't feel the need to not be heard about my opinions, even they are to myself.
